Tiki Humor

Quackers and Milk.

“Do you know how fast you were going?” the police officer asks, incredulously.

“No,” replies Heisenberg, “but I know exactly where I am!”

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

With experi-mints.

Because he couldn’t concentrate

The yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why? I’m cultured.”

Because it had too many problems.

Slush puppies

It was two tired.

They went on strike

Where’s popcorn?

The sales person asks, “What are you looking for in a car?” The snail says, “I want a really fast car with big side doors so I can write a huge “S” on each door.”

The salesman says, “That’s a weird request, why?”

The snail says, “Because when I drive through town I want people to say, “Look at that S-Car-Go!”

With a pair of Caesars

But I had to leave, it was soda pressing.

Chew chew trains

He was a little horse.

because pepper water makes them sneeze

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, and it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

The Irishman replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I’m in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we drank together.

So I drink one for each o’me brothers and one for me self.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints.

All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.” The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.

“Oh, no, everybody’s just fine,” he explains, “It’s just that me wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. But it hasn’t affected me brothers though.”

A woman buys an expensive dress and her husband is angry how much money she spent. She says “The Devil made me do it.” He asks why she didn’t say “Get behind me Satan!” She responds “I did! And he told me it looked good from the back, too!”

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.