A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
To which the blond man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday!
A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.
“The rope should be around your neck”, says the guard.
“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND .”
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.
“Honey! Help! I’m having a heart attack!”
He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and daughter tell him:
“Dad! Uncle Terry’s upstairs! And he’s naked!”
He slams down the phone, sprints back up the stairs, runs past his wife and opens the wardrobe. Sure enough, there was his brother crouching in the corner naked.
“WHAT THE HELL TERRY! My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
A woman made her first visit to a Gynecologist one day. She was incredibly nervous and the old, and very experienced, doctor could tell.
As he asked her to sit up on the bed and put her feet in the stirrups he saw her knees were shaking. The doctor asked “you seem a bit tense. Would you like some numbing?”
The girl was a bit embarrassed but very relieved and said “Oh yes please!”
The doctor rolled up his sleeves, shoved his face between her legs, and went “NUMANUMANUMANUMA”
They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.
A wet nose.