Tiki Humor

Saturday and Sunday are the strongest days

All the other days are just weak-days

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"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs…

… his dad calls angrily after him: “YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!” 

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Teacher: “Which Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Teacher: “Which Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Student: “Heat”

Teacher: “What Makes You Think That?”

Student: “Because We Catch Cold“

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An amateur boxer was confused about where to hit. His coach said to never hit below the waist.

That’s the punchline.

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Why was Cyclops chosen to lead the X-Men?

For his experience with the responsibilities of a super visor.

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There are some wrappers under the couch….

….Eminem and 50 cent.

submitted by /u/WorthPear0
[link] [comments]

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“I feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

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TIL they don’t cook French fries in France

They cook them in Greece.

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I can’t take my dog to the park anymore, he keeps getting attached by ducks.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog

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A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby.

A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby. The Bus Driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest Baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you,

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If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices

is it irrelephant?

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Why didn’t the boat dock?

Too much Pier Pressure

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What days are the strongest?

Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays

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what did one hat say to another?

you stay here. i’ll go on a head

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I feel bad for people that mow the edges of golf courses.

They have a rough job.

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I just completed my first marathon in the Middle East.

Iran to Iraq

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I’m a man who likes to drive with high heels on…

I call it drag racing.

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Did you know that a nose cannot be twelve inches long?

Otherwise it would be a foot.

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Two weed dealers are laundering money into the bank. Where is it going?

A joint account.

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The other day, I bought a thesaurus. When I got home, I opened it up and all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

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What do you call a hippie’s wife?

Mississippi.

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Apparently you can’t use beef stew as a password .

It’s not strogonoff.

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Where do cows go after elementary school?

To a second dairy school.

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What do you call an oatmeal cream pie that looks like Michael Jackson?

Lil Deb HEE-HEE

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Why do cows have hooves?

Because they lactose.

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