Tiki Humor

Your Jedi Knight Might Be a Redneck If…

* if he uses his light saber to cut the bottlecap off a beer

* if he says “these are not the beers you’re looking for”

* if that “Disturbance in the Force” was just last night’s baked beans and spare ribs

* if the inside of the house looks more like Dagobah than the outside

* if he calls his young apprentice, “Juner(JR)”

* if he ever uses telekinesis to pull his jeans up

* if the Force isn’t the only thing that runs in the family

* if he calls Hank Williams Jr. “Master”

* if his landspeeder has a gun rack

* if he meditiates to old CCR records

* if he calls Yoda his Li’l green buddy.

* if he has ever said, “Anger… fear…aggression… Yankees…the dark side are they.”

* if his X-Wing has a still in it

* if his light saber has a beer can crusher in the base

* if there is more oil on his robes than in his astromech droid

* if his robes have the Golden Flour label on them

* if he trim his beard and finds a Mynock

* if he has ever used a light saber to light the barbecue grill

* if he uses Jawas for a drink holder

* if he fights with a light saber in one hand and a spit cup in the other

* if he uses a Jedi mind trick to stop the beer truck

* if he uses his Jedi healing powers to clear up his VD

* if he thinks the best use of your light saber is picking his teeth

* if he ever lost a hand during a light-saber fight because he had to spit.

* if his Jedi robe is Camouflage colored

* if at least one wing of his X-Wing is primer colored

* if he can easily describe the taste of an Ewok

* if he can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks

* if he think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets

* if he has ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling

* if his father ever said to him, “Shoot, son, come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”

* if he’s ever had his R-2 unit use its arc welding torch to get the barbecue grill to light

* if he jump-starts his lightsaber off a car battery

* if he beat the Gamorrean Guard in an “Ugly” contest

* if his father’s name is Garth Vader

* if he got his light saber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids

* if he’s ever beaten up Han Solo for lookin at his sister

* if he constantly mistakes R2 units for beer kegs

* if he counts B. O. as a Jedi power

* if he’s ever used a light saber to skin a deer

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