Tiki Humor

Redneck Computing

You know you’re a good ol’ boy computer operator if…

* Most of the e-mail you receive comes from people who want to borrow your truck.

* You’re right proud of that Jack Daniels mouse pad that you keep on your desk.

* When your Mac is running a little slow, you try to fix it by squirtin’ it real good with some WD-40.

* You can’t understand why the spell checker on your word processing software doesn’t recognize the words “col’beer”, “hon”, and “frog-strangler”.

* One thing that bothers you is how hardly anyone who sends out e-mail has a handle. You get the itch to start a message with the words, “Hey, good buddy, you got your ears on?”

* You can’t figure out why Microsoft doesn’t have its own NASCAR team. I mean, if it’s good enough for Cheerios, Valvoline, and the Cartoon Network, it ought to be good enough for Bill Gates, right?

* Instead of “bytes”, you think of it as “horsepower”.

* You finally decided to buy a computer after the Gun and Knife Show went online.

* You have been thrown out of several chat rooms for cussing and trying to start an online fistfight.

* Your keyboard looks a little different than everyone else’s. Instead of an apple, your command button has an okra on it.

* Congratufreakin’lations – you hold the world record for most number of hits – on the World Wrestling Federation web page.

* The reason your printer is jammed is that you dropped your tobacco chew spit cup into the paper holder.

* Most of the e-mail you send starts with “I’ll tell you what,” “This ain’t no bull,” or “It’s got to where you cain’t…”

* Some guy asked you about your floppy, so naturally you decked him.

* You’re pretty sure computers would work better if Briggs & Stratton began marketing a model that cranks up with a pull rope.

* You think that every child should be linked up to the Internet for educational purposes. But you with there was more information about how to dynamite fish or build your own still.

* Your favorite search engine is Yahoo, because you run around screaming it during football games and wrestling matches anyway.

* The only reason you had your computer equipped with a CD-ROM was so you could listen to Merle Haggard.

* You figure computer science will have peaked when you can buy a 12-pack of Old Milwaukee online without leaving your doublewide.

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