Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go!
Loading...why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
A man is at a funeral.
He goes up to the widow and says, “I’m so sorry for your loss, may I say a word?”
The widow says, “Yes, go ahead”
The man goes up to the stand and says, “Plethora”
The widow then says, “Thank you, that means a lot”
I had terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
Why did the bear wear slippers?
To cover his bear feet
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller
What do you call an alligator that likes to start trouble?
An instigator
Did you know there’s a pastry that can’t be made or sold at night?
A day-nish.
Woman walks into a library and says have you any books about paranoia?
Librarian says their behind you.
Why do Norwegians have bar codes on their ships?
So when they dock they can Scan the Navy in!
Where do square riverbeds get their water from?
Box springs.
A Hot Dog Walks Into A Bar and Orders A Beer
The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
Why a stadium gets too hot when game ends ?
Because all fans leave the stadium
A truck full of NyQuil crashed on the highway this morning.
The cops are saying there will be no congestion for eight hours.
How do you feel after you eat pot brownies that aren’t quite done?
Half baked.
How to you punish beef?
Ground them.
Man: Your honor, my wife never laughs at my Star Wars jokes…
Judge: Say no more, may divorce be with you!
I first met your mother at the Farmer’s market. She was selling honey and bee’s wax candles.
Right away I knew she was a keeper.
My son had a lot of alphabet soup today at school.
He came home and complained of vowel movements.
How much does a pirate pay for ear piercings?
A buck an ear
The first French fries weren’t cooked in France.
They were cooked in Greece.
What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says ribbit ribbit, the other says rub it rub it.
Whats orange and sounds like parrot?
Carrot.
What’s the point of having forearms…
…if I’ve only got two hands?
(4.86 out of 5)