When you die, what’s the last part of the human body to stop working?
The pupils, they dilate.
Loading...When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline become apparent.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When its fully groan
Is your refrigerator running?
Because I may vote for it in the next election!
My doctor tells me I’ve got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
There was a one legged man at the ATM this morning..
He was checking his balance
How many apples grow on trees?
All of them
What did mommy toothbrush say to her son when he was bullied at school?
“Just brush it off!”
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
You look for Fresh Prints.
A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket…
I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run.
Where did the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies
What is brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr. Dre
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up…
…but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Show him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
I saw a theatre production about puns recently
It was a play on words
Does anyone know where I can go to hangout and meet people?
I’m asking for a friend.
What’s the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird.
My wife has an extraordinary ability to cook persevered food from a jar.
Her cooking is uncanny.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere
I’m terrified of elevators
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them
Have you heard of that new band 1023MB?
They’re good but they haven’t gotten to a gig yet.
Last night I had a dream about Legos
I’m trying to figure out what it means but I just can’t put it together.
I tired to sue the airport for losing my luggage
Sadly I lost my case
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
I’ve started eating my meals from scales instead of a plate…
I’m aiming for a well balanced diet.
(4.86 out of 5)