Tiki Humor

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can\’t stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor\’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, “What\’s wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”

The woman replies, “He\’s a midget!”

A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, “Now, do you remember what the plan is?” The blonde sighed and replied, “Yeah, yeah, I remember…” The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.

Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, “Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!” The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car… and waited… and waited… and waited… and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank\’s doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, “Stop! Stop!” while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind. The brunette frantically asked the blonde, “What the hell happened in there?!?” The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, “What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!”

The brunette paused and yelled, “YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!”

.

Think of all the money you will save on personal ads.

Your hand will never leave you.

Natural endorphins create a happy mood and outlook on life.

Your dildo doesn’t care if you have sex with another dildo.

Your pocket pussy won’t be hurt if you don’t call the next day.

You don’t have to spend time and money taking your penis pump to dinner.

Your vibrator never wants sex in the morning unless you do.

You don’t need to ask your dong if it has been tested for STD’s.

Your hand does not care if you go right to sleep. And Ravens #1 reason to masturbate..

You get to cum first and last!

– Fri Mar 13 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit

Karen had lost her husband four years prior and was having trouble moving on. Her daughter, seeing that her Mom was lonely, repeatedly urged her to start dating. On her daughter’s advice Karen finally went on a blind date.

After dating for just six weeks Karen and her new boyfriend fell in love. Eager to move the relationship to the next level he asked her to join him for a weekend at his cabin by the lake.

Their first night there, she undressed and stood nude in front of him except for a pair of black lacy panties.

“Why the black panties?” he asked.

“My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”

He knew he wasn’t getting lucky that night, so he kindly suggested they just go to bed. The following night saw the same scenario. There she stood wearing her black panties. Without saying a word he took off all his clothes. He was naked except for a black condom that he had on.

She looked at him and asked curiously, “What’s with the black condom?”

“I would like to offer my deepest condolences”, he replied.
– The Beer Goggler | Sometimes, All It Takes Is One More Drink…

Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Ah crap, it’s a satellite.
– ISS To Become Second Brightest-Object In the Sky

“I nanea no ka holo o ka wa’a i ke akamai o ke ku hoe.”

One can enjoy a canoe ride when the paddler is skilled.

–Old Hawai’ian saying

“I’ll bet you have to think twice before you leave your wife alone at night.” one man said to the other. “I’ll say.” replied thesecond, “First, I have to think up a reason for going out. Second, I have to think up why she can’t go with me.”
– Mon Mar 9 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit

Thur Dec 18 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit

A guy picks up a girl in a bar, brings her home,and they start fucking. He starts sucking on one of her tits and milk comes out. He says, “Hey, are you pregnant?” She says, “That wasn’t a nipple, that was a boil.”