Tiki Humor

Half Deep

Coming to a river with which he was unfamiliar, a traveller asked a youngster if it was deep.

“No,” replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, but soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.

When the traveller reached the other side he turned and shouted: “I thought you said it wasn’t deep?”

“It isn’t,” was the reply; “it only takes grandfather’s ducks up to their middles!”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (5 votes, average: 2.60 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Faulty Traffic Camera

A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail’s pace. Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

What size would you like?

A great woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. Yes we do, he answers. What size would you like?

She replies, Oh, just mix them up, I am not going steady with anyone right now.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Dry Sermon Revolt

“We will take as our text this morning,” announced the absent-minded
clergyman, consulting his memorandum, “the sixth and seventh verses of
the thirty-first chapter of Proverbs.” Never suspecting that his
vivacious son and heir had found the memorandum in his study on the
previous night, and, knowing that his papa had composed a sermon
celebrating the increased severity of dry law enforcement, had
diabolically changed the chapter and verse numerals to indicate a very
different text, the absent-minded clergyman turned to the place and read
aloud these words of Solomon: “Give strong drink unto him that is ready
to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink
and forget his past poverty, and remember his misery no more.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with ,

they say celebs die in threes.

they say celebs die in threes.

leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Michael Jackson had a heart attack

Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with ,

Diamonds will cut glass and more!

_The Professor:_ A diamond is the hardest known substance, inasmuch as
it will cut glass.

_The Cynic:_ Glass! My dear sir, a diamond will even make an impression
on a woman’s heart.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with ,

Michael Jackson requested to be buried at sea

Michael Jackson requested to be buried at sea…between two buoys.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with ,

What was the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

why did michael jackson love halloween?

free delivery

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

It has been announced that Jacko will not be buried or cremated.

It has been announced that Jacko will not be buried or cremated. Due to his high content of plastic he is scheduled to get recycled and made into toys, so just for a change the kids will get to play with HIM !!

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Michael Jackson’s dates in London have been cancelled

Michael Jackson’s dates in London have been cancelled. They are James (aged 9) and Thomas (aged 11)

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

McDonalds’ New Burger

McDonalds are bringing out a new burger called the McJackson. It’s 50yr old meat stuffed inside 12yr old buns.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

michael jason didnt suffer a heart attack!

michael jason didnt suffer a heart attack!!! He was found in the childrens ward having a stroke

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Died of food poisoning

I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning……he was eating 12 year old nuts

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 2.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Light Headed Laird

A pompous Scottish laird met a farmer one morning, and observed:

“Well, Sandy, you’re getting very bent. Why don’t you stand up straight,
like me?”

“Eh, mon,” replied Sandy, “d’ye see yon field of corn?”

“I do,” said the laird.

“Ah, weel,” said Sandy, “ye’ll notice that the full heids hang down, an’
that the empty yins stand up.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 2.33 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

might of been worse

The maiden of, er–forty or so, was much upset.

Quoth she to a younger friend:

“Kate talks so outrageously. Yesterday she actually told me I was nothing but a hopeless old maid.”

“That’s pretty frank!” exclaimed the friend.

“Yes; wasn’t it unladylike of her?”

“It certainly was rude,” agreed the other. “Still, it’s better than having her tell lies about you.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Miracle Piano Player

During an exciting game of football a player had two fingers of his
right hand badly smashed, and on his way home from the ground he dropped into the doctor’s to have them attended to.

“Doctor,” he asked, anxiously. “When this hand of mine heals, will I be
able to play the piano?”

“Certainly you will,” the doctor assured him.

“Then you’re a wonder, doctor. I never could before.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (6 votes, average: 2.67 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with ,

Tardy Boss

“Why is it you never get to the office on time in the morning?” demanded
the boss angrily.

“It’s like this, boss,” explained the tardy one; “you kept telling me
not to watch the clock during office hours, and I got so I didn’t watch
it at home either.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with , ,

What’s an echo

_Tommy:_ “What’s an echo, pa?”

_Pa:_ “An echo, my son, is the only thing that can deprive a woman of
the last word.”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (5 votes, average: 4.60 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Charm school

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.

The lady from the South commented, Well, isn’t that precious?

The first woman continued, When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz

Again, the lady from the South commented, Well, isn’t that precious?

The first woman continued boasting, Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, Well, isn’t that precious?

The first woman then asked her companion, What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?

My husband sent me to charm school, declared the Southern lady.

Charm school? the first woman cried, Oh, my God! What on earth for?

The Southern lady responded, Well for example, instead of saying, Who gives a shit?  I learned to say, Well, isn’t that precious

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (4 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Played Them Both

A small boy was playing with an iron hoop in the street, when suddenly
it bounced through the railings and broke the kitchen window of one of
the areas. The lady of the house waited with anger in her eyes for the
appearance of the hoop’s owner. He arrived.

“Please, I’ve broken your window,” he said, “and father’s come to mend
it.”

Sure enough the boy was followed by a man, who at once set to work,
while the boy, taking his hoop, ran off. The window finished, the man
said:

“That’ll be three shillings, mum.”

“Three shillings!” gasped the woman. “But your son broke it. The little
fellow with the hoop. You’re his father, aren’t you?”

The man shook his head.

“Never seen him before,” he said. “He came round to my place and said
his mother wanted her window mended. You’re his mother, aren’t you?”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Wronged In Laws

It was the usual domestic storm.

“Oh, dear! oh, dear!” moaned wifey in tears. “I wish I’d taken poor
mother’s advice, and never married you!”

Hubby, the strong, silent man, swung round on her quickly, and at last
found voice.

“Did your mother try to stop you marrying me?” he demanded.

Wifey nodded violently.

A look of deep remorse crossed hubby’s face.

“Great Scott,” he cried, in broken tones, “how I wronged that woman!”

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

Overdrawn Bank Account

A good story is told of a pawky old Scot, who like many others, finds
himself rather short of cash just now. His account was £60 over drawn,
and the banker rang him up on the telephone to tell him about it, and to
suggest that he had better bring it down a bit or clear it altogether.

“Oh, aye,” replied the pawky one. “I’m £60 short am I? Will ye just look
up an’ tell me hoo my account stood in June?”

“Oh,” the banker said, “you were all right then; you had £250 to your
credit.”

“Aye, an’ did I ring you up in June?” was the caustic rejoinder.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with

FOB Decanters

_The Client:_ “I bought and paid for two dozen glass decanters that were
advertised at $16 a dozen, f. o. b., and when they were delivered they
were empty.”

_The Lawyer:_ “Well, what do you expect?”

_The Client:_ “Full of booze. Isn’t that what f. o. b. means?”

FOB on wikipedia

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
Loading...

Posted in Jokes

Tagged with