Tiki Humor

Anniversary Wishes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?  The husband replied, All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.  Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, What are you thinking now?  He replied, It looks as if I did a pretty good job. 

via The Beer Goggler

Posted by tiki god

August 27th, 2009 at 12:45 pm

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Bar Tender’s Creditentials

A guy orders a beer ¦The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits a blonde’s boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs. Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs the man jumps up and starts to lick her tits ¦ SHE DECKS HIM! He is laying on the floor moaning and groaning’Damn lady why in the fuck do you let the bartender do it?’ ˜Because’ says the blonde’He has a licker license.’

via Tues Aug 25 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

August 25th, 2009 at 8:28 am

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What do you like most in me

A wife asked her husband: ˜What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ˜I like your sense of humor!’

via Fri Aug 14 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

August 17th, 2009 at 9:43 am

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I’d like to get something off my chest

Speaking at the Staff Meeting, a very pert and pretty female engineer named Renee told the male manager of the Division, I’d like to get something off my chest.  What’s that, Renee?  Your eyes. 

 

Posted by tiki god

August 17th, 2009 at 9:33 am

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Kids are smart

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ˜crocodile?’ GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this kid)

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ˜ I.. ˜
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie ¦.. Always say, ˜I am.’
MILLIE:All right ¦ ˜I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on ˜My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

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August 3rd, 2009 at 10:22 pm

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