Tiki Humor

Women, the best freaking firewall in the world

1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.

2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.

3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.

4. In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.

5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Тerabyte/sec

This means that the female eggcell withstands this DDoS attack at 1,5 terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!

The downside of it is that this only small data package that it lets through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!

via Women, the best freaking firewall in the world : funny.

Posted by tiki god

January 27th, 2010 at 12:51 pm

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so a democrat break his foot…

“A member of the House Democratic Caucus goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, “I have bad news and good news. The bad news is you have a broken foot. The good news is, you’re a congressman, which means you have health insurance, which means you’ll be able to get treatment without going totally bankrupt, unlike many of your constituents, who you are actively betraying by thinking only of your electoral prospects. And also,” the doctor continued, “I can’t believe you actually broke your foot by jumping off a bridge just because a Republican told you to. What kind of spineless loser are you? Get out of my office. I can’t stand to look at you.”

via Boing Boing.

Posted by tiki god

January 25th, 2010 at 11:18 am

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In a vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.

It was her turn.

She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.

Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?

via Thur Jan 14 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

January 19th, 2010 at 12:54 pm

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I have a dick, and you dont!

Boy: I have a dick, and you dont!

Girl: My mother said, when I grow up, I can have as many as I want

Posted by tiki god

January 14th, 2010 at 1:57 pm

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Rolex and Timex

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond. “They’re watch dogs!”

via Thur Jan 14 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

January 14th, 2010 at 10:27 am

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Ranult and Ford’s New Car

Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women. They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink, with or without fur on the dash, and the average male thief won’t be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.

via Tues Jan 12 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

January 12th, 2010 at 9:03 am

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We’re in trouble

The Population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city governments

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

via We’re in trouble… « Bits & Pieces.

Posted by tiki god

January 11th, 2010 at 3:57 pm

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rude beer drinker

A man comes home one day and sits down the cough with a thud. He bellows to his wife to bring him a beer. She comes out with a can in her hand. He says, “In a glass you wench.” She leaves and returns with a glass of beer. He takes the beer without saying anything. She says, “I could have poisoned that.” He looks at his wife and says,”And I would drink it anyway.”

Posted by tiki god

January 8th, 2010 at 11:28 am

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Male or Female?

I am still out there job hunting. I always have a problem when filling out the job application and I get to the part about ‘Sex: F or M.’ I never knows which to choose – I really like to Fuck, but I spends most of the time alone Masterbating.

via Wed Jan 6 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit.

Posted by tiki god

January 6th, 2010 at 8:38 am

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