Tiki Humor

GOOD: Wexford: Police Traffic Corps had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but weren’t getting many. Then they discovered the problem – a
12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read ‘SPEED TRAP AHEAD’. The police also found the boy had an accomplice
who was down the road with a sign reading ‘TIPS’ and a bucket full of money.

BETTER: A motorist was mailed a photo of his car speeding through an automated speed check on the N4. A €80 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police a photo of €80. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST: A Young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Traffic Corps policeman walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, ‘I
bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Police Traffic Department Ball.’
He
replied, ‘The Police Traffic Department don’t have balls…..’

There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.

Q: How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?

A: Hand her a shovel.

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.

The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don’t have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already… I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’

The dentist thought to himself, “My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.”

So the dentist asks him, “Which tooth is it sir?”

The man turned to his wife and said, “Open your mouth Honey, and show him.

via A quick trip to the dentist « Bits and Pieces.

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”.

via Bits and Pieces.