The day of the prom, I go to a tailor to get a new suit- there was a long line. Next, I went to a limo service to rent a limo- there was an even longer line there. Next, I went to a flower shop to get the girl a batch of roses before picking her up- there was AN EVEN LONGER LINE there.
I pick her up and we go to the prom, there is a line to the entrance that soon resides. We go to the photo shoot to get a photo together, there is a line there too. We get hungry and decide to get food, there is a line there as well. We get thirsty, there is no punchline.
…but at least they drive slowly past schools.
What’s special about a bulimic birthday party?
The cake jumps out of the girl
What was the last pizza order to the WTC?
Two large plains.
One says to the other : “Hey – let’s go get Jobs.”
Q: "What’s the worst part about eating a vegetable?"
A: "Putting her back in the wheelchair."
What’s the difference between Adolf Hitler and Michael Phelps?
Phelps can actually finish a race
One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.
My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know), “‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?”
My favorite joke is that one about Jonestown, but I stopped telling it because the punch line was too long.
A group of nuns are lined up to confess to the priest.
The first nun says, “Father, I have sinned. I looked at a man naked.”
The priest says, “Put holy water on your eyes and say 10 hail Marys.”
The next nun comes up and says, “Father, I have sinned. I touched a naked man in a sexual manner.”
The priest says, “Was your hands in holy water and say 20 hail Marys.”
The third nun approaches the priest and is about to speak when is a clamoring from the back of the church. Another nun comes running in going, “WAIT!”
The priest says, “What’s wrong?!”
The nun replies, “I need to gargle the holy water before Nancy sticks her ass in it.”