…one turns to the other and says “I can’t believe I just blew 30 bucks in there.”
Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decide to go to college. Bubba goes first, and he is advised to take maths, history and logic.
– “What’s logic?” says Bubba.
– “Well, let me give you an example,” says the professor. “Do you own a tractor?”
– “Sure do,” says Bubba.
– “Okay. Then I assume, using logic, that you have a yard.”
– “That’s real good,” says Bubba, in awe.
– “Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a house. Is that right?”
– “Gawly!” says Bubba.
– “And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of by yourself, the odds are that you have a wife. Right?”
– “Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
– “Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume you are heterosexual. Is that right?”
– “You are absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thang I ever heerd of. I can’t wait to take this here logic class!”
Bubba, proud of the new world opening up to him, goes back into the hallway where Cooter is waiting.
– “So what classes are ya takin’?” says Cooter.
– “Maths, history and logic,” says Bubba.
– “What in tarnation is logic?”
– “Let me give you an example,” says Bubba. “Do you own a tractor?”
– “Then you’re gay.”
A woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin?.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
Down at the end of the bar, an old drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed ‘Give the ballerina a drink!’
The bartender poured the drink and the woman drunk it. She turned again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, ‘What man here will buy a lady a drink?’
Once again, the same little drunk shouted ‘Give the ballerina another drink!’
The bartender approached the drunk and said ‘Tell me, Paddy, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?’
The drunk replied, ‘Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!’
via Naughty Bits.
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, ‘Why, that’s a Thermos….. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.’
‘Wow’, said the blonde, ‘that’s amazing….I’m going to buy it!’
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. ‘What’s that,’ he asked?
‘Why, that’s a Thermos…. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,’ she replied.
Her boss inquired, ‘What do you have in it?’
The blond replied……’Two popsicles & some coffee.’
via Bits and Pieces.
A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself.
“May I buy you a cocktail?”
“No thank you,” Maxine replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”
“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”
“No, they spread.”
via Naughty Bits
a young entrepreneur once asked a wealthy elderly man how he got his wealth. The old man sat back in his chair and pondered for a moment. “Back in the great depression, when I was just a young boy, I found a nickle. With that nickle, I went to market and bought myself an apple. I shined it up, and sold it for a dime. The next day, I bought 2 apples, and shined them up and sold them each for a dime. Then, my uncle died and I inherited a million dollars.”