Tiki Humor

are fucking immature assholes

One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow
A: Look for fresh prints

Q: What do you call the guy who graduates at the bottom of his class in Medical School?

A: Doctor.

“Hi Mom, How are you?”

“Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store”

“Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”

“What happened?”

“Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”

“What on earth, why did you do that?”

“Well it wasn’t my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.”

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.   Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: “I’m here to put you into a  trance,  I  intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience”.The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

“I want  you each to keep your eye on this antique  watch.   It’s a  very special watch. It’s been in my family for six  generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly  chanting,  “Watch  the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .  ..”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.  Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until,  suddenly, it  slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

“SHIT!”  said the Hypnotist.

It took  three days to clean up the Senior Center .   Claude was never invited back to entertain.

via Bits and Pieces.