Tiki Humor

One Marine is better than…

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: “One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters”.

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: “One Marine is better than one hundred Isis ‘S.O.B.’s’”.

Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: “One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters.” The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible fight is fought … then silence.

Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men … it’s a trap. There’s two of them.”

 

One Marine is better than… originally appeared on MyConfinedSpace on February 25, 2015.

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One Marine is better than…

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, “maybe I’ll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!”

The vendor said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing.”

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, “those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about.” Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, “Damn, this one doesn’t have any shoes either!”

One Marine is better than… originally appeared on MyConfinedSpace on February 20, 2015.

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Why is Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Classic conditioning

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I need you to masturbate

Employee : Sir, you called me?

Boss : Yeah, I need you to go to the rest room and masturbate.

Employee : (After a few minutes) Done, sir. Anything else that you’d like me to do?

Boss : Do it again.

Employee : (after a few minutes) Done again, sir. Anything else?

Boss : Do it once more.

Employee : I’m really sorry sir, but I don’t have any stamina left now. I can’t do it anymore.

Boss : Very good, here are my car keys, drop my daughter home.

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Warm Suicide

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her.

She sees the man coming and says, “Go away! There’s nothing you can say to change my mind!”

He says, “Well, if you’re going to kill yourself anyway, why don’t we have sex? At least I’ll enjoy it.”

“Absolutely not! You’re disgusting!”, she replies. The man turns and starts walking away.

“Is that all you’re going to say? You’re not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?”

“I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you’ll still be warm!”, he says.

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