Tiki Humor

My first hooker…

A few years ago when I first got divorced, I decided to go to Vegas, and wanted to have some fun. I went to a casino, went to the bar, and bought a drink before I did anything when I am approached by a beautiful woman. She asked me if I liked to have fun and I said yes, she then told me she would give me a hand job for 500 dollars and I laughed and said “500 Dollars!? Why that much?” She then whipped out her cell phone and showed me a picture of a Lamborghini “You see this car? I paid for it by selling hand jobs.” So I shrugged and said “What the hell, I need to live a little, I’ll do it” so we go back to my hotel and she gives me the best hand job I ever had.

She leaves and I pass out. The next night I go back to the same casino bar, and sure enough she’s there again and I decide I wanted some more. I walk up to her and say “You were amazing last night, how much would it cost for a blow job?” She then smiles and says “1 grand.” Again I’m a little bit set back by the price and I said “A grand? Is it that good?” She then whips out her phone and shows me a picture of a HUGE, luxurious house. She then says “See this house? I paid for it with blowjobs” so I said “Alright let’s do it” so this time we go into her car and she decides to blow me in the parking lot, and its the best blowjob I ever had.

We sit there and I’m blown away by this woman, so I ask her, “how much would it cost for some pussy?” She then laughs and points to the casino. “You see that casino?” I said “…yeah?” She says “If I had a pussy, I would own that casino.”

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Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller…

Robber: “Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!’

Cashier (puzzled) “Did you mean to say “or you’re history?”

Robber: “Don’t change the subject.”

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