Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.
“Honey! Help! I’m having a heart attack!”
He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and daughter tell him:
“Dad! Uncle Terry’s upstairs! And he’s naked!”
He slams down the phone, sprints back up the stairs, runs past his wife and opens the wardrobe. Sure enough, there was his brother crouching in the corner naked.
“WHAT THE HELL TERRY! My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”
A woman made her first visit to a Gynecologist one day. She was incredibly nervous and the old, and very experienced, doctor could tell.
As he asked her to sit up on the bed and put her feet in the stirrups he saw her knees were shaking. The doctor asked “you seem a bit tense. Would you like some numbing?”
The girl was a bit embarrassed but very relieved and said “Oh yes please!”
The doctor rolled up his sleeves, shoved his face between her legs, and went “NUMANUMANUMANUMA”
They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.
A wet nose.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None! They’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
The worst suicide she has ever seen