Tiki Humor

A farmer has 895 sheep

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he’ll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.

“Why yes,” says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, you see, and I don’t think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many.”

The shopkeeper says, “I’ve got just the thing for you.” and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.

“Are you sure?” asks the farmer, “I have very many sheep and I don’t think one dog will be able to round all of them up.”.

“I’m sure.” says the shopkeeper, “This is a very intelligent dog. He’s been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Yes,” says the dog, “I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering.” The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn’t be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.

That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. “Well,” says the farmer, “I’d like you to round up all of these sheep.”.

“Okay.” replies the dog, “You have nine hundred sheep.”

Posted by tiki god

December 22nd, 2016 at 8:03 pm

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Posted in Jokes

Country Susan

When you’re from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself.

When the young boy says. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susan pregnant”.

The boy thought for a moment…then says “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $50 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

Posted by tiki god

December 19th, 2016 at 5:42 pm

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I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn’t sure if it was there or not

Posted by tiki god

December 16th, 2016 at 1:04 am

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Your helium addiction

Your helium addiction is out of control, but nobody is taking your cry for help seriously.

Posted by tiki god

December 1st, 2016 at 3:17 pm

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Posted in Jokes