Tiki Humor

what happens to a cow when it jumps over a barbed wire fence?

udder destruction.

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People who can’t tell the difference between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I just cannot put into words.

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Why is a room full of married people empty?

Because there is not a single person.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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My Dad who plays golf.

I always asked dad why he bought an extra pair of socks when he played golf. Told me in case he got a hole in one.

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My favourite comedian?

Joe King.

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A man and his wife are having their first child

After the birth, a nurse enters the hospital room with a warm blanket for their son.

New Dad turns to the nurse and says, “excuse me, but, is that womb temperature?”

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You hear about the guy that got a job doing elephant circumcisions?

I hear the job sucks but the tips are HUGE.

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I ate a watch yesterday

It was very time consuming.

And… very filling…

Because, I had seconds

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What do you do if you see a spaceman?

Park in it man

submitted by /u/dandan_56
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Procrastinators:

The Leaders of tomorrow

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In my twenties, I was known for two things: Being single, and my awful handwriting.

I was the most illegible bachelor in town.

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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

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Saturday and Sunday are the strongest days

All the other days are just weak-days

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"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs…

… his dad calls angrily after him: “YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!” 

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Teacher: “Which Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Teacher: “Which Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”

Student: “Heat”

Teacher: “What Makes You Think That?”

Student: “Because We Catch Cold“

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An amateur boxer was confused about where to hit. His coach said to never hit below the waist.

That’s the punchline.

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Why was Cyclops chosen to lead the X-Men?

For his experience with the responsibilities of a super visor.

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There are some wrappers under the couch….

….Eminem and 50 cent.

submitted by /u/WorthPear0
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“I feel like such a failure, doc. All my 5 boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

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TIL they don’t cook French fries in France

They cook them in Greece.

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I can’t take my dog to the park anymore, he keeps getting attached by ducks.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog

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A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby.

A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby. The Bus Driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest Baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you,

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If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices

is it irrelephant?

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Why didn’t the boat dock?

Too much Pier Pressure

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