What do you call a person who never farts in public?
A private tutor
Loading...When my ex wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, “Good job. Well done.”
I wanted things to end on a positive note.
I happened to see one of my pals dressed as a priest
Apparently its his altar ego
What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 letters, always has 6 letters, but never has 5 letters.
…
And the award for the best neckwear goes to…
Well, would you look at that, it’s a tie!
After the pro boxer retired, he became a successful exorcist.
He could beat the hell out of anyone!
My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me…
I guess that means I’m not actually their sun…
Interviewer: Why do you think you’ll be a good waiter?
Me: You could say I bring a lot to the table.
What’s the difference between a battleship and Home Depot?
One sinks ships .The other ships sinks.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
For her birthday, I got my wife a Tourette’s Alarm Clock.
She is in for a rude awakening.
At what elevation is your vision the best?
See level
I don’t trust humanitarians…
…I’ve known too many vegetarians.
Anakin killing youngling jokes will never get old
But neither will those younglings.
What’s the freshest type of paper?
Newspaper
My son complained that the house was cold
I told him to stand in the corner, because it was 90 degrees
What do you call multiple calzones?
Calztwo
BOOM!
I apologize for my explosive outburst.
The worst time to be an eye doctor has to be New Year’s Eve 2019,
Right before everyone sees 2020.
They’re lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i’ve
Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.
What the difference is between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants.
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Have you ever wondered why it’s better to shake paint instead of stirring?
Because this way, it will bond better
Why was Thanos taken to the mental hospital?
He snapped
[No Spoilers] I don’t know why people are complaining Avengers: Endgame was so long
It’s Marvel Studio’s twenty second movie
(4.86 out of 5)