Tiki Humor

I think the most important part of a home is the toilet

After all, we all spend a shit load of time there

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Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

He’s never going to finish his sentence.

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What’s least spoken language on earth?

Sign language

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Why did the environmentally-friendly factory require that its workers start wearing suspenders to work?

They wanted to eliminate waist products.

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So my wife recently gave birth to our son in the car on the way to the hospital, I think we shall name him…

Carson

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What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time

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Tuck in my chin, pull my knees to my chest and lean forward.

That’s how I roll.

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My sister bet me $1,000 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

It’s ok though, she always comes crawling back.

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My son asks me, "What does gay mean?"

Me: “It means ‘happy,”

Son: “Oh, so are you gay, then?”

Me: “No, son, I have a wife.”

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What’s blue and not heavy?

Light blue

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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

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I went to a really moving wedding the other day

Even the cake was in tiers

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If you’re cleaning out your vacuum cleaner

In that moment, you are the vacuum cleaner

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When you die, what’s the last part of the human body to stop working?

The pupils, they dilate.

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline become apparent.

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When its fully groan

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Is your refrigerator running?

Because I may vote for it in the next election!

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My doctor tells me I’ve got a bacon addiction.

Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.

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There was a one legged man at the ATM this morning..

He was checking his balance

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How many apples grow on trees?

All of them

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What did mommy toothbrush say to her son when he was bullied at school?

“Just brush it off!”

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How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?

You look for Fresh Prints.

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A man in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket…

I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run.

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Where did the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies

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