Tiki Humor

Scientists removed the right half brain of a man…

…and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, “two, four, six, eight, ten.”

Then they put the right-half back and removed the left-half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, “one, three, five, seven, nine.”

The scientists then removed both halves of the man’s brain, and asked him again to count to ten.

The man said, “look, we’re gonna count to ten. We’re gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can’t count to one-believe me, I’ve counted to one many, many times. They said we couldn’t count to ten. Well, I’m beating all of those people in the polls. We’re gonna count to ten. Everybody, count to ten. Okay? And let me tell you – let me tell you something. I will be the best counting President God has ever created. We are gonna count to so many tens, I tell you. Look at that!”

Posted by tiki god

October 17th, 2016 at 8:00 am

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A woman phoned her blond neighbor…

A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”

To which the blond man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday!

Posted by tiki god

September 23rd, 2016 at 8:00 am

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A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet…

A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.

“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.

“Hanging myself,” the blond replies.

“The rope should be around your neck”, says the guard.

“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe.”

Posted by tiki god

September 22nd, 2016 at 8:00 am

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blonde man shouts frantically into the phone

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”

Posted by tiki god

September 21st, 2016 at 8:00 am

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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND .”

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

Posted by tiki god

September 20th, 2016 at 8:00 am

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A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”

He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

Posted by tiki god

September 19th, 2016 at 8:00 am

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What kind of shoes do frogs wear?

Open toad

Posted by tiki god

July 28th, 2016 at 8:00 am

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A Blonde guy comes homes . . .

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

“Honey! Help! I’m having a heart attack!”

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and daughter tell him:

“Dad! Uncle Terry’s upstairs! And he’s naked!”

He slams down the phone, sprints back up the stairs, runs past his wife and opens the wardrobe. Sure enough, there was his brother crouching in the corner naked.

“WHAT THE HELL TERRY! My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”

Posted by tiki god

July 27th, 2016 at 2:07 pm

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A woman made her first visit to a Gynecologist one day. . .

A woman made her first visit to a Gynecologist one day. She was incredibly nervous and the old, and very experienced, doctor could tell.

As he asked her to sit up on the bed and put her feet in the stirrups he saw her knees were shaking. The doctor asked “you seem a bit tense. Would you like some numbing?”

The girl was a bit embarrassed but very relieved and said “Oh yes please!”

The doctor rolled up his sleeves, shoved his face between her legs, and went “NUMANUMANUMANUMA”

Posted by tiki god

July 24th, 2016 at 3:13 pm

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What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?

They can smell it, but they can’t eat it.

Posted by tiki god

July 23rd, 2016 at 3:13 pm

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