Tiki Humor

Interviewer: Why do you think you’ll be a good waiter?

Me: You could say I bring a lot to the table.

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What’s the difference between a battleship and Home Depot?

One sinks ships .The other ships sinks.

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Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

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For her birthday, I got my wife a Tourette’s Alarm Clock.

She is in for a rude awakening.

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At what elevation is your vision the best?

See level

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I don’t trust humanitarians…

…I’ve known too many vegetarians.

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Anakin killing youngling jokes will never get old

But neither will those younglings.

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What’s the freshest type of paper?

Newspaper

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My son complained that the house was cold

I told him to stand in the corner, because it was 90 degrees

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What do you call multiple calzones?

Calztwo

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BOOM!

I apologize for my explosive outburst.

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The worst time to be an eye doctor has to be New Year’s Eve 2019,

Right before everyone sees 2020.

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They’re lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i’ve

Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.

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What the difference is between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants.

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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Have you ever wondered why it’s better to shake paint instead of stirring?

Because this way, it will bond better

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Why was Thanos taken to the mental hospital?

He snapped

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[No Spoilers] I don’t know why people are complaining Avengers: Endgame was so long

It’s Marvel Studio’s twenty second movie

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Every time we go past a railroad crossing, I always tell my kids, “Hey, a train just went by!” They grudgingly ask, “How do you know daddy?

“Because its tracks are still here!”

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I have some jokes about unemployment

But I don’t think they will work

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What’s a ghost’s favorite thing to throw?

A Boo-merang

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Why can’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

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Did you hear about the locomotive that always did what it was told?

It was really well trained.

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Why can’t the Infinity car company trademark ∞?

The legal battle would be endless.

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why should you never play cards in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs!

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