what do you call cows that have a sense of humor?
Laughing stock!
Cowmedians?
Loading...what do you call a gator between two buildings?
An Alley Gator
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What do cigarettes and squirrels have in common?
They’re both perfectly safe until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I just watched a program about beavers
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen
Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
To get a long little doggie!
What do cows listen to?
Mooooosic.
Two fish are in a tank ….
… one turns to the other and says, “do you know how to drive this thing?
What do you call the ghost of a chicken?
Poultrygiest
what happens when a frog parks illegally?
He gets toad!
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
What says “Quick, Quick!”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you get if you cross a duck with fireworks?
A firequacker!
What do you call two ducks and a cow?
Quackers and Milk.
what do you call young dogs that come in from the snow?
Slush puppies
Why couldn’t the baby pony speak?
He was a little horse.
I know someone who talks like an owl
I know someone who talks like an owl
Fishing and Whiskey
I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.Frogs are good bass bait.Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back, and it went limp. I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.
Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that damn snake… with two more frogs.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
What do you call a mentally challenged lion?
A leotard
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A Baboom!
Come running with me
A rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint.
The rabbit says, “Don’t do that. Come running with me. It’s much more fun!”
The deer takes off with the rabbit.
They come across an elephant doing coke. “Come running with us, elephant,” says the rabbit. “You’ll feel so good!”
The elephant decides to join in the fun, and the whole groups goes off running. The animals encounter a lion about to shoot up.
Before the rabbit can say anything, the lion reaches out with a huge paw and knocks it unconscious.
The deer screams, “Lion, what are you doing? He’s trying to help us!”
The lion answers, “That loser makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes Ecstasy!”
the elephant’s trunk
A couple takes their young son to the circus. When his father goes to buy popcorn, the boy asks, “Mom, what’s that long thing on the elephant?”
“That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear,” she replies.
“No, Mom. Down underneath.”
His mother blushes and says, “Oh, that’s nothing.”
The father returns and the mother goes off to get a soda. As soon as she leaves, the boy repeats his question.
“That’s the elephant’s trunk, son.”
“Dad, I know what an elephant’s trunk is. The thing down there.”
The father says, “Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis.”
“Dad,” the son asks, “how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?”
The man takes a deep breath and explains, “Well son, here’s the truth. I’ve really spoiled that woman.”
So a shark and his son are going to get some food…
They look for a vessel in distress, and when they finally find one, the father says to the son, “I’m going to teach you how to catch your first human. First, you raise your dorsal fin slightly out of the water. Second, you raise all of your fins out of the water, and start circling around them. Finally, you go in and eat them.”
The father and son swim over to the vessel, and the son executes the meal with ease. The father is impressed with his son, and commends him on his excellent performance. But the son is troubled and asks, “Why do we raise our fins out of the water and circle around them? Wouldn’t it just be easier to go in and eat them?”
The father replies, “They taste better without shit in them.”
(4.86 out of 5)