Tiki Humor

A man and his wife are having their first child

After the birth, a nurse enters the hospital room with a warm blanket for their son.

New Dad turns to the nurse and says, “excuse me, but, is that womb temperature?”

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A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby.

A woman gets on a Bus with her Baby. The Bus Driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest Baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you,

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blonde man shouts frantically into the phone

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”

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Which Is Worse: Childbirth or Nut Shot?

Women always say that giving birth is far more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Here is proof that they are wrong.

A year or so after giving birth a woman will often say, “it might be nice to have another child”.

But you never hear a guy say: “I would like another kick in the nuts”.

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Triplets

A woman, heavily pregnant with triplets, was in a supermarket. Suddenly, a man with a balaclava and a gun burst in and shouted, “Everybody put your hands on your head, and get down on your knees! This is a robbery!”
All of the customers did so, but the pregnant woman couldn’t because she was too large. The thief noticed this, and shot her three times in the uterus before making an escape.

A couple of months later, the triplets were born. They, of course, survived the shots and grew up well without many complications.
Three years after the incident, the mother was in the kitchen reading the newspaper. One of the triplets came into the kitchen and said, “Mummy, I found a bullet in my poo!”

The mother brushed off the comment and said, “That’s nice, dear.”
The next day, when the mother was sat in the kitchen, another of the triplets hobbled in and said, “Mum, I found a bullet in my poo!”
The mother, again, just said, “That’s nice dear.”

The day after that, the mother was in the lounge watching the news, the third of the triplets walked in and said, “Mummy, I -”

“Let me guess, you found a bullet in your poo?”

“No, I farted and shot the cat.”

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