Tiki Humor

A Greek and an Italian are arguing over whose culture is superior

The Greek says “We built the Parthenon.” the Italian says “We build the Colosseum.” The Greek says “We came up with advanced Mathematics” The Italian says “We made the Roman Empire.” The Greek is getting frustrated finally realizes how he can win the argument. “We invented sex.” The Italian replies “True, true, I can’t argue with that, but we thought of having it with women.”

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blowing chunks for 15 minutes

Three girls go out one night and get really wasted. At the end of the night they part ways and promise to meet the next morning for a big greasy breakfast.

The next morning all three girls show up looking much the worse for
wear and begin to retell there various adventures in heading home.

“When I walked through the front door” the first girl starts “I made it about three steps before lying down and blowing chunks for about 15 mins”.

The other girls agreed that yes, that was pretty bad.

Then the second girl claimed she could top that. “When I was leaving I thought it would be a good idea to drive my car home, and I subsequently wrapped it round a tree and wrote it off. I’m lucky to be here.”

The other two were shocked.

Thinking she could top even that the third girl piped up,“well, when I got home I put the stove on to make some eggs and passed out, forgetting about them and burnt out half my kitchen.”

There was a stunned silence until the first girl coughed and said :

“I don’t think you guys understand, Chunks is the name of my dog”

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MacGregor The…

An old Scot and a young Scot were sitting in the pub talking. The old man says to the young man; “Son, look out the window. You see that stone fence stretchin’ out ‘cross the moor as far as yer eye can see? Well I built that fence with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the fence builder? Nooooo.”

“Now ya take a look up at the bar. See the perfectly constructed thing of beauty stretchin’ across this great hall? Well, I built that bar with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the bar builder? Noooo.”

“Now take a look toward the sea. Do you see that magnificent pier, sturdy and straight, unmoving againt the sea and all her wrath? Well, I built that pier with me own two hands. But, do they call me MacGregor the pier builder? Noooo.”

Then MacGregor leans in close to the young man and whispers….

“But ya fuck one goat…”

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desperate lieutenant

The new lieutenant arrived at the Foreign Legion camp in the desert and after settling in inspected his men and whatever. But after a few weeks in the desert the lieutenant was getting a little desperate for companionship and asked the sarge, “What do we do way out here when we… uh… you know… when we need to get a little relief?” The sarge looked at him and said “Oh.. relief… sure… well, we have this camel tied out back of the big tent and …” and the lieutenant interrupted “Say no more, Sarge… I know what to do” and proceeded to go out back behind the tent and have his way with the camel tied there.

After a few minutes a crowd began to form and the lieutenant looked up and asked the men what they were staring at. “Isn’t this how it’s done?” he asked. The sarge looked at him and said “Well, no… usually the men just ride the camel into town where the women are”.

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not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients

As she lay there dozing next to him, a voice inside his head kept saying, “Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients.”

But another voice kept reminding him, “Howard, you are a fuck’n veterinarian.”

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What’s the best things about being married to a Panda?

What’s the best things about being married to a Panda?

No-one notices the black eyes.

And you get to fuck a Panda.

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No that’s Wales

An American visits Edinburgh. Of course he soon finds himself in a pub talking to a Scotsman.

The American is very complimentary about Scotland, giving more and more reasons why he loves the country and the Scottish people. As the drinks flow, the reasons for admiration become more and more outrageous. Eventually he says one of the reasons why he loves Scotland is because the men are brave enough to shag sheep.

The Scotsman replies “No that’s Wales”.

“My god!” answers the American “Do you stick it in the blow hole?”

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Sounds like a fun party

A little boy says to his mother, Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white. His mother replied, Don’t even go there! From what little I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!

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