Tiki Humor

A blind man walks into a bar and orders a pint. While the bartender is pouring it he says, “Want to hear a joke?” and she says, “OK.”

He starts: “So there’s this blonde…”

“Okay, hold on” says the bartender. “I can see you’re blind so I’m gonna do you a favour here. Just so you know, I’m a blonde. The manager is a blonde. The bouncer is a blonde, and there’s a good friend of mine by the window there, she’s a black belt in karate, she’s a blonde too. There’s a couple of biker chicks at a table nearby, both blondes.

“So, you just have a think about that and ask yourself: do you really want to tell that joke?”

She gives him his drink. “Well, uh, I guess not,” he says. “I don’t wanna have to explain it six times.”

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.

“Whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.

“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”

– DeadDog -» DeadDog Archive -» Password Problems

DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » First-Time Stewardess

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!”

“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb!’”

A blonde, bosomy cheerleader confessed to her priest that she often had sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. “Now, my daughter,” consoled the priest, “I’m sure if you think about it, you’ll know you’ve been doing something wrong.” “Yeah, I guess you are right,” replied the cheerleader. “Maybe it would be more comfortable in the backseat.” — Wed Feb 11 « Lefturn’s Funny Shit

One day a brunette, a redhead and a blonde decide to go through their daughter’s purses.

So, the brunette goes through her daughter’s purse and finds cigarettes. She says, “Oh my god, I’m so ashamed! My Daughter smokes.”

So, the redhead goes through her daughter’s purse and finds an empty can of beer. She says, “Oh my god I’m so ashamed! My daughter drinks.”

So, finally, it’s the blonde’s turn and she finds a used condom. She says, “Oh my god I’m so ashamed! My daughter has a penis.”

DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » Pregnancy Test

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work.

“Honey, I have some really great news for you!” she said.

“Great, tell me what you’re so happy about!” he replied.

“I’m pregnant!” she said.

He kissed her and told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said, “Oh honey, there’s more!”

He asked, “What do you mean, ‘more?’”

She said, “Well, we aren’t having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!”

ME