Tiki Humor

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs…

I told a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs…

“Really?” she said, “Go on then…try.” After about thirty seconds of fondling she lost patience and demanded “Come on, what day was I born?” “Yesterday.” I replied.

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What do you call the hair between grandma’s breasts?

Her pussy.

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boobs like yours

A man approaches a very well-endowed, beautiful woman in a supermarket.

“I’ve lost my girlfriend,” he tells her. “Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?”

“Sure, but I don’t understand how that would help,” she replies.

“Well, it seems like every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere.”

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She needs larger breasts

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. The husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.”

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks.

“They’ll grow slightly larger every day over a period of years,” he replies.

The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”

The husband shrugs. “Why not, it worked for your butt, didn’t it?”

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Big Tits vs. Little Tits

Women with Big Tits…

* can get a taxi on the worst days
* have men give them the best seats on a bus.
* have a neat place to carry spare change
* have always been the center of the arts (art)
* make jogging a spectator sport
* can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
* have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
* usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
* can always carry a little extra cash
* always float better
* know where to look first for lost earrings
* rarely lack for a slow dance partner
* have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
* never have to buy a car with airbags
* have a place to carry a extra beer

Women with Little Tits…

* don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
* always look younger
* find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
* can always see their toes and shoes
* can sleep on their stomachs
* have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
* know that people can read the entire message on their T-shirts
* know that everything more than a handful is wasted
* can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
* can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out
* never be accused of having implants.

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I’d like to get something off my chest

Speaking at the Staff Meeting, a very pert and pretty female engineer named Renee told the male manager of the Division, I’d like to get something off my chest.

What’s that, Renee?

Your eyes.

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Room 1221

A man is in a hotel lobby. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.

She replies, if your cock is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.

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legs or breasts?

When asked if I preferred legs or breasts, I told the stranger that I had a particular fondness for nice hairy pussies. He then informed me that this wasn’t an option when choosing a KFC Bargain Bucket.

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