Tiki Humor

One night, a policeman was busy making the rounds in his small town. Around midnight he spotted two old maids sitting in a car in a used car lot.
The policeman approached the car and asked the ladies, “Excuse me, but why are you sitting in a car on this used car lot after business hours? Are you trying to steal this car?”
“Good heavens, no!” one of the ladies said, “I just bought this car today, officer.”
“Have you come back tonight to drive your car home?” the policeman asked.
“Not at all,” the woman replies, “I don’t have a driver’s license.”
“Then why did you buy this car?”
“Well, we were told by our friends that if we bought a car from this used car lot, that we’d get screwed. Now we’re just waiting here for our screwing, and we’re not leaving until we get it!”

A penguin is driving his car across the country for his summer vacation. Suddenly, his car starts to make horrible noises. The penguin drives his ailing car into a roadside mechanic’s shop.
The mechanic tells the penguin that it will be about an hour until he can diagnose the problem. The penguin decides to kill the time by wandering over to a nearby mall.
He casually waddles through the mall, doing some window shopping. Then, he buys himself a vanilla ice cream cone to eat, since it’s such a hot day.
The Penguin starts to walk back to the shop, and while he eats his ice cream it drips all over his face and front.
As he enters the shop, the mechanic looks up from under the car’s hood and says to the Penguin, “It looks like you blew a seal.”
Embarrassed, the Penguin quickly says, “No, I swear it’s just ice cream!”