Tiki Humor

Know why I make my pot brownies with chocolate laxatives?

For shits and giggles.

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A bear goes into a bar

A bear goes into a bar, sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him. he then calmly orders a beer

bartender: “sorry, we don’t serve drug users in here” bear: “but I don’t do drugs” bartender: “what about that barbitchyouate”

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I used to have a terrible addiction to soap…

…but I’m clean now.

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Come running with me

A rabbit running through the forest stumbles upon a deer rolling a joint.

The rabbit says, “Don’t do that. Come running with me. It’s much more fun!”

The deer takes off with the rabbit.

They come across an elephant doing coke. “Come running with us, elephant,” says the rabbit. “You’ll feel so good!”

The elephant decides to join in the fun, and the whole groups goes off running. The animals encounter a lion about to shoot up.

Before the rabbit can say anything, the lion reaches out with a huge paw and knocks it unconscious.

The deer screams, “Lion, what are you doing? He’s trying to help us!”

The lion answers, “That loser makes me run around the forest like an idiot every time he takes Ecstasy!”

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The Winking Sales Man

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

“Looking at your résumé, I can see that you’re more than qualified,” says the interviewer. “Unfortunately, we can’t have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can’t hire you.”

“But wait,” says the man. “If I take two aspirin, I stop winking.”

“Then show me,” replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

“It’s great you stopped winking,” says the interviewer, “but we can’t have our salesmen womanizing all over the country.”

“What do you mean?” asks the man. “I’m happily married.”

“How do you explain all the condoms?” asks the interviewer.

“Oh, that,” sighs the man. “Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?”

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