Tiki Humor

What do you call a shoe made from a banana?

A Slipper.

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A woman buys an expensive dress

A woman buys an expensive dress and her husband is angry how much money she spent. She says “The Devil made me do it.” He asks why she didn’t say “Get behind me Satan!” She responds “I did! And he told me it looked good from the back, too!”

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The Gift

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new girlfriend’s
birthday, and since they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note,
romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to Nordstom
and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties
for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the
sister got the gloves and the young man got the panties. Without cheking
the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his girlfriend
with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed that you were
not in the habit of wearing any when we go out. If it
had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the
long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that
are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but
the lady I bought them from showed me the pair
she had been wearing for the past three weeks. They
were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and
they looked really good.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the
first time, as no doubt, other hands will come in contact
with them before I get the chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them as
they will naturally be damp from wearing. Just think how
many times I will kiss them during the year. I hope you
will wear them Friday night.

With love,
From your
Sweetheart

P.S.
The latest style is to wear them folded
down with a little fur showing.

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Why did the belt get arrested?

Because it held up a pair of pants.

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife…

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.” The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he didn’t return.

Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.”

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra..” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

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So my wife came up to me and said, “Take off my shirt.”

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, “Take off my skirt.” I took off her skirt. “Take off my shoes.” I took off her shoes. “Now my hose, bra, and panties.” I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, “I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again.”

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Worm Food

A country girl was home from college for the Christmas holidays and
the old folks were having a reception in her honor. During the event
she brought out some of her new gowns to show to the guests. Picking
up a beautiful silk creation she held it up before the admiring crowd.

“Isn’t this perfectly gorgeous!” she exclaimed. “Just think, it came
from a poor little insignificant worm!”

Her hard-working father looked a moment, then he turned and said:
“Yes, darn it, an’ I’m that worm!”

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date for Saturday night

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. Veronica, I just don’t know what to do, Gloria said to her friend at work. That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?

Oh, my God!  her friend exclaimed. He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off your dress and you’ll have fantastic sex!

What should I do? asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied, Wear an old dress.

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