Tiki Humor

What do you call a vegetable that has escaped from prison?

Esca-peas

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Did you hear about the cheese factory that burned down?

All that’s left is de Brie.

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What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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What’s the quietest dinner?

A Shhhh Kebab

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My sister bet me $1,000 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

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What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

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My doctor tells me I’ve got a bacon addiction.

Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.

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How many apples grow on trees?

All of them

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My wife has an extraordinary ability to cook persevered food from a jar.

Her cooking is uncanny.

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I’ve started eating my meals from scales instead of a plate…

I’m aiming for a well balanced diet.

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Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.

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How much room do you need to grow a fungus?

As mushroom as possible.

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00 and a slice in the Bahamas is $2.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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What do you call multiple calzones?

Calztwo

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar

and asks for a drink. The bartender replies, “We don’t serve food here”.

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Why did the computer cross the road?

To get a byte to eat!

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I always heat up my Thanksgiving Leftovers

I quit cold turkey a long time ago

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What do you call fake spaghetti?

Impasta

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What is it called when a chickpea is killed?

Hummicide

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Why couldn’t the grape help his friend move into his new house?

“Because he was in a jam
Which wouldn’t be bad, but all the grapes that DID help just whined the whole time.”

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How do you send a sandwich to someone on a computer?

One byte at a time

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Which state has the smallest soft drinks?

Minisoda

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How do you repair a broken tomato?

Tomato Paste!

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What do you call a shoe made from a banana?

A Slipper.

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Why did the Orange go out with a Prune?

Because he couldn’t find a Date!

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