1) You only get laid once.

2) You only get eaten once.

3) It takes you seven minutes to get hard.

4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.

5) The only one that ever sits on your face is your mother.

One day, a mother and her two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out: “Ouch you fucking wanker!”

Later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. She said: “Father, my boys just won’t stop swearing and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, have you tried smacking them?” the priest asked.

“No,” she replied. “Doesn’t the church look down on that?”

“Well,” the priest said, “yes, but in some cases we’ll make an exception.”

The next day, the two boys came down for breakfast and she asked Tommy what he wanted to eat.

Tommy said: “Gimme some fucking waffles.”

The mother backhanded Tommy so hard that he flew out of his chair and landed against the door.

Shocked and terrified by this, Timmy became very quiet. His mother asked him what he wants for breakfast, and he replied,

“Well you can bet your sweet ass I don’t want no fucking waffles!”
– DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » Colorful Language