Tiki Humor

A man dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by the devil:

Devil: Hey, whatcha lookin so down for?

Man: If you died and went to Hell, you’d be feeling down too!

Devil: Hell ain’t what you think it is. It’s fun down here. Say, do you drink?

Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?

Devil: Well, you”re gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Hell, we have whiskey, tiquila, rum, vodka, all the booze you wanna drink. We drink til we puke and then we drink some more.

Man: Ah, that sounds great.

Devil: Do you smoke?

Man: Damn right I do.

Devil: Cool! You”re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You don”t have to worry about getting cancer because you”re already dead anyways, haha.

Man: No shit!

Devil: You like gambling?

Man: Hell yeah!

Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in Hell. We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, hold-em, a dog track, horse racing, you name it we got it and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.

Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.

Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?

Man: I love getting stoned! You mean…

Devil: That”s right man, because on Thursdays, it’s stoner night here in Hell! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you don”t have to worry about overdosing because you”re already dead anyhow.

Man: Awesome! I never thought Hell was one swinging place!

Devil: Are you gay?

Man: Uh, no.

Devil: Oooh, you’re gonna hate Fridays!

A man dies and goes to hell. He is sitting around on a piece of brimstone depressed. The devil walks by and asks him what is wrong.

The man says, “What do you mean what is wrong? I’m dead! I’m in hell! I’m depressed, ok?”

The devil says, “Look we get a lot of bad press down here, things aren’t as bad as they appear. Let me ask you, do you like to eat?”

The man says, “Sure, everyone likes to eat.”

The devil says, “You are going to love Monday’s! Best gourmet food, fast food, anything you want! Eat as much as you want! What’s going to happen? Heart attack? You’re dead already.”

The man says, “Well, that’s not so bad.”

Then the devil asks him, “Do you like to drink? The mans replies, “well, sure.”

The devil says, “You’re going to love Tuesday! Best wine, scotch whiskey, bourbon, anything you want! Drink until you pass out, sober up and drink again. What’s going to happen? Psoriasis of the liver? Your dead, you’re here man!”

Then the devil asks the man, “Do you like to gamble?” the man says, “Well yea, sometimes. “

The devil says, “Wednesdays! You are really going to enjoy Wednesdays! Blackjack, poker, slot machines, anything you want! Bet a million on the horses; lose a million, who cares! You ain’t going bankrupt, you dead! You’re in hell!”

The man is getting pretty excited by now and says, “Man, this is sounding pretty good!”

The devil than ask, “Do you like to do drugs?” The man looks a bit sheepish and says, “Well, sometimes”. The devil says, “Man, Thursdays are your days! Snort cocaine, shoot up heroine, and smoke a joint the size of a submarine, whatever you want! What’s going to happen? You going to overdose and die? You are here already!”

The man is jumping up and down with excitement; “this is like Las Vegas on steroids!” he says!

The devil said, “Yep, told you, we get a lot of bad press down here”.

The devil then asks, “Um, are you gay?”

The man says, “Well, no, I’m not”.

The devil says, “Oh man, you may hate Fridays”.