Tiki Humor

"Jim Morrison was overrated!" the son screams as he stomps upstairs…

… his dad calls angrily after him: “YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!” 

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There are some wrappers under the couch….

….Eminem and 50 cent.

submitted by /u/WorthPear0
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What is brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr. Dre

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Have you heard of that new band 1023MB?

They’re good but they haven’t gotten to a gig yet.

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A man is auditioning for a role in an opera production the local opera company is putting on.

He’s been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he’s come down with a sore throat and can’t hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

“I’m sorry,” says the director, “but we can’t delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I’ll let you in on a little opera house secret.” The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. “Drink this. It’s a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again.”

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. “Euch! This is… awful! What’s in this tea anyways?”

“Well, it’s a secret herbal tea blend made with… well… fish broth.” The director replies. “Tuna, specifically. We’ve found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we’ve tried.”

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. “So… what did you think? Did I get the part or not?” He asks.

“I’m sorry,” said the director, “you performed well, but we’ve decided to give the part to someone else.”

“That’s OK,” the man says, “I’m just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea.”

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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice it when you replace random words with musical instruments.

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I got tired of playing the triangle in my band

It was just one ting after another

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How much to kettle drums cost?

Ten pennies

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Which rock group has 4 men that don’t sing?

Mount Rushmore

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A tutor who tooted a flute

A tutor who tooted a flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tutors to toot?”

— Carolyn Wells

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Miracle Piano Player

During an exciting game of football a player had two fingers of his
right hand badly smashed, and on his way home from the ground he dropped into the doctor’s to have them attended to.

“Doctor,” he asked, anxiously. “When this hand of mine heals, will I be
able to play the piano?”

“Certainly you will,” the doctor assured him.

“Then you’re a wonder, doctor. I never could before.”

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