Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn’t matter to me. I just love it.”

Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, “No kidding. I’m in Congress too. What state are you from?”

via At the bar… « Bits and Pieces.

Dear Sir:

We have the distinction of being members of a committee to raise $200,000,000 to be used for placing a statue of George W. Bush in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C.

The committee was in a quandary about selecting the proper location for the statue. It was thought unwise to place it beside that of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside that of Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George W. Bush could never tell the difference.

After careful consideration, we think it should be placed next to the statue of Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all, in that he started out not
knowing where he was going, and in arriving did not know where he was, and in returning did not know where he had been — and managed to do it all on borrowed money.

The inscription on the statue will read: “I pledge allegiance to George W. Bush and to the national debt for which he stands, one man, expendible, with graft and corruption for all.”

Five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.” Nearly five thousand years later, Ronald Reagan said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.” Now George W. Bush has stolen the shovels, kicked our asses, raised the price of Camels, and laid waste to the Promised Land.

If you are one of the few who has any money left over after paying off Bush’s huge national debt, we will expect a generous contribution from you toward this noteworthy project.

Yours sincerely,

National Committee on the Bush Bust

P.S. It is said that Michael Steele is considering changing the Republican party emblem from an elephant to a condom because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks, halts production, and gives a false sense of security while one is getting screwed!
– snopes.com: The President’s Statue and the Promised Land

“He’s a smart one. Once he sees the crate, he gets pretty nippy, but we’ve learned a few tricks over the years,” chief VP wrangler Ted Irving breathlessly said while applying pressure to a deep gash on his forearm. “If we break a rabbit’s legs and throw it in there, he will eventually go in to finish it off. Doesn’t work with dead rabbits, though. Cheney only eats what he kills.”
– Vice Presidential Handlers Lure Cheney Into Traveling Crate | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

The Adult Entertainment Industry is asking the government for a $5 billion bailout.

A lot of people are against this. They’re afraid if they give the porn industry a bailout, they’ll just blow it.
– DeadDog -» DeadDog Archive -» Bailout

How ironic is that? The only politician in Washington who actually saved some money … make him treasury secretary.

Ever since the DHS (department of homeland security -ed) has been setup, there are no terror attacks on the USA. So, obviously what the DHS is doing prevents terrorism.

Is is the same up here in Canada. We sprinkle black pepper on our lawns to prevent elephants from messing then up.

But there are no elephants in Canada you say? See, more proof that the black pepper works …
– A Peek At DHS’s Files On You

After lots of discussions with the Secret Service, President Obama will be allowed to keep his Blackberry. It’s a special Blackberry built just for him; they are calling it a Barackberry.

It doesn’t even have a battery … it runs entirely on hope.

– Jay Leno
– DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » Barackberry

President Barack Obama signed an executive order calling for the closure of Gitmo within a year.

Know how he can make sure it closes even faster? Make it a bank.

- Jay Leno
– DeadDog » DeadDog Archive » Executive Order