Tiki Humor

Poop jokes aren’t my favorite kind of jokes…

…but they’re a solid number two.

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Know why I make my pot brownies with chocolate laxatives?

For shits and giggles.

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Claude, the hypnotist

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center.  

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: “I’m here to put you into a  trance,  I  intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience”.The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.

“I want  you each to keep your eye on this antique  watch.   It’s a  very special watch. It’s been in my family for six  generations.”

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly  chanting,  “Watch  the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. .  ..”

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.  Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until,  suddenly, it  slipped from the hypnotist’s fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

“SHIT!”  said the Hypnotist.

It took  three days to clean up the Senior Center .   Claude was never invited back to entertain.

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wipe with a dollar

I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and luckily I had my cellphone and called the wife. She told me to just wipe with a dollar, which luckily I had in my pants pocket. When she walked in the door I had shit all over me. She asked me what the hell happened, and I replied “You try and do better with 3 quarters, two dimes and a nickel.”

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ICBM

An ICBM is what happens when you take a shit outside in Antarctica.

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