Tiki Humor

I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery

None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea.

 

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A Blond Phone Call

“Hi Mom, How are you?”

“Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the hardware store”

“Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they’ve let me make one phone call”

“What happened?”

“Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head.”

“What on earth, why did you do that?”

“Well it wasn’t my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.”

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You’re in charge of supplies

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.”

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither.”

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!!”

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What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid?

What did the Jewish pedophile say to the kid?

Wanna buy some candy?

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Why don’t you ever see black people on a cruise?

Why don’t you ever see black people on a cruise?

Because they fell for that trick once before.

via What are your best dirty jokes? GO! : AskReddit.

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Two Welshmen, two Scots, and two Englishmen are stranded on a desert island

Two Welshmen, two Scots, and two Englishmen are stranded on a desert island. When they’re finally rescued ten years later, the Scots have built a distillery but are still arguing over whose round it is, the Welshmen have formed a close harmony choir, and the Englishmen are still waiting to be formally introduced.

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African Roulette

President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

“The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette.”

President Clinton frowned. “Russian roulette’s not a friendly, nice game.”

The African leader smiled. “That’s why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you’ll have to play. I’ll show you how.”

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. “You can choose any one of these women to give you oral sex,” he told Clinton.

This gained Clinton’s immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. “How on earth is this related to Russian roulette?”

The African leader said “One of them is a cannibal.”

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Sounds like a fun party

A little boy says to his mother, Mommy, how come I’m black and you’re white. His mother replied, Don’t even go there! From what little I can remember about that party, you’re lucky you don’t bark!

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Arab Terrorists Vs Marine On Airliner

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat… Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’ ‘Don’t get up,’ said the Marine, ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’ As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good, I’d really like one, too.’ Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors… ‘Why does it have to be this way?’ ‘How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?’

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GMC Vs Tiger Woods

General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods.

When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said, Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular and that’s just not us.

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