Tiki Humor

Dumbest kid in the world!

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!“

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Going Home Early

Is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

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Worms

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class. He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following: He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about. He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alchohol and it immediately shriveled up and died. He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them. A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: You’re showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won’t have worms.

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Little Johnny’s ‘Bookish’ Father

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he were here today.

The first student raised her hand to volunteer.

Marcy, the teacher said. You may go first.

Marcy replied, My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny.

The teacher said, Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?

Kevin stood up and announced, My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie.

Very good, the teacher told Kevin.

Jeff was next, and he said, My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he

knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.

Johnny said, My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell accountant.

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