Tiki Humor

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring

The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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I only learned 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.

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I’ve always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda.

I guess it’s always been my greatest Fanta Sea.

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Why did the little kid fall into the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well.

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Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she’ll let it go!

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why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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A man is at a funeral.

He goes up to the widow and says, “I’m so sorry for your loss, may I say a word?”

The widow says, “Yes, go ahead”

The man goes up to the stand and says, “Plethora”

The widow then says, “Thank you, that means a lot”

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I had terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

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Why did the bear wear slippers?

To cover his bear feet

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What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller

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What do you call an alligator that likes to start trouble?

An instigator

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Did you know there’s a pastry that can’t be made or sold at night?

A day-nish.

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Woman walks into a library and says have you any books about paranoia?

Librarian says their behind you.

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Why do Norwegians have bar codes on their ships?

So when they dock they can Scan the Navy in!

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Where do square riverbeds get their water from?

Box springs.

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A Hot Dog Walks Into A Bar and Orders A Beer

The bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.

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Why a stadium gets too hot when game ends ?

Because all fans leave the stadium

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A truck full of NyQuil crashed on the highway this morning.

The cops are saying there will be no congestion for eight hours.

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How do you feel after you eat pot brownies that aren’t quite done?

Half baked.

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How to you punish beef?

Ground them.

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Man: Your honor, my wife never laughs at my Star Wars jokes…

Judge: Say no more, may divorce be with you!

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I first met your mother at the Farmer’s market. She was selling honey and bee’s wax candles.

Right away I knew she was a keeper.

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My son had a lot of alphabet soup today at school.

He came home and complained of vowel movements.

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How much does a pirate pay for ear piercings?

A buck an ear

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