Tiki Humor

Overdrawn Bank Account

A good story is told of a pawky old Scot, who like many others, finds
himself rather short of cash just now. His account was £60 over drawn,
and the banker rang him up on the telephone to tell him about it, and to
suggest that he had better bring it down a bit or clear it altogether.

“Oh, aye,” replied the pawky one. “I’m £60 short am I? Will ye just look
up an’ tell me hoo my account stood in June?”

“Oh,” the banker said, “you were all right then; you had £250 to your

“Aye, an’ did I ring you up in June?” was the caustic rejoinder.

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$5,000 Loan

A businessman walked into a New York bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for the loan. The businessman then handed over the keys to a Rolls-Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everythng checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove it into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the 5,000 dollars and the interest, which came to $15.00.

The loan officer said, We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?

The business man replied: Where else in New York City could I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?

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You Know You’re In Trouble When

You Know You’re In Trouble When

Your accountants letter of resignation is postmarked Zurich.

Your suggestion box starts ticking.

Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

You make more than you ever made, owe more than you ever owed, and have less than you’ve ever had.

The simple instructions enclosed aren’t.

People send your wife sympathy cards on your anniversary.

You see your wife and your girlfriend having lunch together.

The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

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The Final Step Is Acceptance

(I work as a phone support technician for a large software company. Once a month one of our mentors listen to our calls, to ensure that we follow protocol. I was being listened to one day a few weeks ago.)

Me: Welcome to Tech Support, you’re talking to ****

Customer: Hi, my name is ****, and I work at **** bank. You’ve really gotta help me! I’ve got this message on my computer, and I don’t know what to do!

Me: Okay, if you could start by reading the message to me, I’ll see what we can do.

Customer: Oh, okay.. It says: ˜Your computer has been automatically adjusted for daylight savings time.’ What do i do?!

Me: Er is there a button that says ˜OK’?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Can you tell me what happens when you click the ˜OK’ button?

Customer: Oh, thank you very much! You’re a life saver! Thank you, thank you; now I can finally get these reports done!! *hangs up*

Me: you’re welcome?

Mentor: *after listening in* You know what the scary part is? That is my contact at the bank the same person I entrust my life savings to.

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